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How to Really Know a Person – Part 2

How to Really Know a Person – Part 2

Last week’s blog shared three ways we sabotage personal and professional relationships by being Diminishers, according to David Brooks, the author of How To Know a Person – The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.

Today I’ll share some constructive steps that make it easier to see other people in all their fullness. Brooks call this an Illuminator’s outlook.

Illuminators: How to really see another person

➜ Receptivity – overcoming insecurities and self-preoccupation & opening yourself up to the experience of another.

Brooks says, “It means you resist the urge to project your own viewpoint; you do not ask, ‘How would I feel if I were in your shoes?’ Instead, you are patiently ready for what the other person is offering.” This art of patience and empathy is a practice to strive for.

➜ Active curiosity – having an explorer’s heart.

Keep asking questions with a genuine interest of wanting to know more about others. Studies show that life is better when you’re curious.

➜ Tenderness – deep emotional concern about another being.

Think Mister Rogers as he interacted with children. Think Ted Lasso as he relates to his players. Believe!

➜ A holistic attitude – trying to see the “all” of a person.

How often do we mis-see people by seeing only a piece of them? Brooks comments, “Some doctors mis-see their patients when they see only their bodies. Some employees mis-see workers when they see only their productivity.” Our goal is to resist every urge to simplify in this way of perceiving others.

Being an Illuminator is an ideal. We can all try our best to illuminate others without imposing cliché character types. Think about how this outlook can elevate your work and personal relationships.

© 2024 Karen Cortell Reisman, All rights reserved 

Our Weirdest Advice on how to prepare for any speaking opportunity

Our Weirdest Advice on how to prepare for any speaking opportunity

You might guess that I’d advise you to prepare for speaking opportunities by analyzing your audience’s needs and how to get their buy-in, figuring out your main points, support material and & stories, and sharing your call to action.

All true but not weird!

Our weirdest advice

Do the 7 to 1 Exercise.

What is this?

  • Stand up.
  • Smile.
  • Lift your right arm and shake your arm while projecting your voice louder than usual and say each number descending from 7 to 1,  “7,6,5,4,3,2,1”. Put your right arm down.
  • Lift your left arm and repeat. Put your left arm down.
  • Lift your right leg and shake your foot in the air while smiling and saying loudly each number descending from 7 to 1. Put your right leg down.
  • Lift your left leg and repeat.
  • Do this all again (right arm – then left arm – then right foot – then left foot) starting with 6 down to 1. Then again starting with 5 to 1, 4 to 1, 3 to 1, 2 to 1, and then 1 wave of your right arm, 1 wave or your left arm, 1 kick of your right foot and one final kick of your left foot.
  • Remember to smile and project your voice at all times during this routine.
  • OR …  click on the 90-second video in this blog and watch this exercise in action!

When do you do this?

Do this exercise ahead of your speaking opportunity in the privacy of your hotel room or office.

Why do you want to do this?!

You warm up your voice, body, face and brain cells. You have to think about what number you’re on, while you smile, project and balance your body. AND… you’ll channel your extra adrenaline (those sneaky nerve-racking butterflies) in a positive direction.

I learned this great exercise when I took improv classes. We did this routine before every performance. I still do this 7 to 1 exercise before any speaking engagement and I’ve taught it to all my clients. You may think you look like an idiot but you’re training your face, voice and body to look natural and strong.

 

© 2024 Karen Cortell Reisman, All rights reserved

 

Top 5 ½ Best 2023 Communication Habits

Top 5 ½ Best 2023 Communication Habits

My handsome husband, Jim, and I wish you a happy new year and a fulfilling year ahead! 🥂 🎉 

Time to reveal our ’23 Communication Best-Of List – guaranteed to boost your communication skills even more in ’24.

#1 🎤 Communication Habit: Find the humor. 

Even during drama-filled times and situations – funny stuff happens. Keep notes on this “you cannot believe what just happened” truths. Use this material in your conversations/presentations.

#2 🎤 Communication Habit: Ask questions. 

You will be forced to listen more and you’ll learn more than if you’re doing all the talking.

#3 🎤 Communication Habit: Read more. 

Fiction or non-fiction – you’ll gain insights and become even more articulate. Even a trashy novel can provide examples of how to use dialog, plot development, and what makes for a good story.

#4 🎤 Communication Habit:  Reflect on your positive communication experiences in ’23. 

You do a great job of remembering in exquisite detail when you think you’ve failed at running that meeting, or facilitating the board discussion, or giving a speech to your shareholders. Think back on when you rocked on your platforms. Not only will this make you feel great – but it has a positive rollover effect on your future gigs.

#5 🎤 Communication Habit:  Write more. 

Practice writing short and clear emails, articles, reports and posts.

Confession: I began writing this blog series … kicking and screaming. Now I realize it’s been one of my best communication habits. Writing makes you a better communicator. I am forced to observe with purpose… all the time… constantly mining for good info and stories.

#5 ½  🎤 Communication Habit: Empower by praising others.

It’s a complicated world, made just a little bit easier if you can find something positive to say to the next person in line at the grocery store or to anyone in your personal and professional arenas. You’ll make their day. So give someone a specific and sincere compliment today.

YOU are the reason this blog exists. Thank you for your support and comments directly on this blog or in my email box. See you in 2024. 

Speaker Anxiety – how to dance with this demon

Speaker Anxiety – how to dance with this demon

I remember…

my first class I teach at Richland College.

I’m nervous and think, “This 90-minute class will never end.”

But I’m done in 5 minutes!

There I stand, with 40 college students looking at me. I know I have nothing else to say. They know I have nothing else to say. And my entire body breaks out into a sheen of sweat.

Had I not signed a contract to teach this class I might not be a speaker and communication consultant now as CEO of Speak For Yourself®! I am forced to show up at Richland College every Tuesday and Thursday for 16 weeks. That’s 32 class sessions in case you didn’t do the math.

It was a powerful lesson that I learned about practice and perseverance.

Effective speakers/teachers/communicators make it look easy.

It’s not!

And now…

I warn all of my fabulous clients that speaker anxiety is part of the game of speaking. You won’t get rid of it. In fact, you want that adrenaline edge. You learn how to dance with that demon and use that extra energy in a positive vs. negative way.

And some of those demon-dance steps include practice, perseverance, time, rinse and repeat.

I taught at Richland College for 10 years. The first class of each semester (and all my classes) lasted the full 90 minutes!

One of my coping mechanisms then and now (I still can get hot!) …  I wear cotton.

What are some of your coping mechanisms?

3 Scariest Speech Mistakes

3 Scariest Speech Mistakes

Do you want your audience of one or many to look like this skeleton?

💀 #1 Scariest Speech Mistake ➜ Cobweb Brain

❌ Don’t be boring. If you and your content are not compelling we (your audience) will grow cobwebs in our brains… and stop listening.

✅ Do gain traction. Tips: Smile more. Have good posture and eye contact. Use stories with dialogue. Add metaphors. Engage with a clever opener. Conclude with a “call to action”.

💀 #2 Scariest Speech Mistake ➜ Cue Coma

Even your dog will NOT be your best friend if you make these scary speech mistakes!

❌ Don’t ignore the pulse of your audience. If you don’t understand their needs and issues you’ll put your group into a coma.

✅ Do read the cues in the room. Tips: Do your advance intel. Understand who they are and what they need from you. Then, at your event keep tabs on your audience’s nonverbal and verbal reactions. Gage their mental buy-in and physical energy level. If either begin to lag then vary your vocal pace and add in group participation.

💀 #3 Scariest Speech Mistake ➜ Clock-or mortis

❌ Don’t talk too long.

✅ Do stay within your time limit. Tips: Know the length of your presentation or meeting ahead of time. End when you’re supposed to end.

Happy Halloween BUT don’t make these scary speech mistakes!

 

 

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