You’re asking the wrong question.
It’s a question that you ask all the time, and that you’ve been asked all the time.
It’s so common that I wonder if this question is part of our DNA.
The Culprit Question ➡
“What do you do?”
Psychologist and author Adam Grant shares “When you meet someone new, don’t ask: What do you do? It limits what people share about themselves to a job description.”
The Better Question ➡
“What do you love to do?”
Grant suggests you try, “What do you love to do? It ignites curiosity and invites people to express their distinctive interests.”
Try this tweak and send me your comments on how this one slight change on this age-old boring question elevates your conversations.
Thank you to Dr. E. Michael Reisman for sending me this Adam Grant article.
PS: Jimmy and I had a wonderful time at a family wedding in Colorado and enjoyed beautiful weather with more family and friends in various ski towns in CO. Glad to be back to my blog.
Source: Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant), via LinkedIn (April 2019).
💕 Jess & Nathan Reisman 💕
I love this tweak, Karen! Will try it and report back.
Meanwhile, I recently learned a new approach that is similar. When someone asks what you do, answer with what part of your job really excites you or makes you proud (or the thing you think you are best at) rather than just giving the “title” of your job. In my case, I would say “I love to help couples divorce outside of court with privacy, dignity, and respect.” Better than “I’m a collaborative divorce lawyer” and WAY better than “I’m a family lawyer.” (What does that even mean? Most people think that means estate planning.)
The same dreaded “what do you do?” question could also be answered by saying something you love that is NOT your career. “I love taking my dogs to the dog park” or “Lately I’m loving mahjong (or watching the new season of Silo”). If the person says “no, what do you DO?” then you can answer “Oh, I also help families divorce outside of court . . . (see above) . . . and I love doing that too.”
Love the way your articles start my day with creative thinking, Karen. Thank you for your consistently great tips.
Esther – thank you for your insightful and creative response to this blog article! Your examples are spot on. The way you answer The Expected Question starts a much better conversation and is a much better way to tweak interest and attract possible business.
Awesome insights and tips!
Hey Juliet – Thanks for your great feedback to Esther. She does have awesome insights and tips.