(972) 490.8676

How to Really Know a Person – Part 2

by | Feb 29, 2024 | 2 comments

Last week’s blog shared three ways we sabotage personal and professional relationships by being Diminishers, according to David Brooks, the author of How To Know a Person – The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.

Today I’ll share some constructive steps that make it easier to see other people in all their fullness. Brooks call this an Illuminator’s outlook.

Illuminators: How to really see another person

➜ Receptivity – overcoming insecurities and self-preoccupation & opening yourself up to the experience of another.

Brooks says, “It means you resist the urge to project your own viewpoint; you do not ask, ‘How would I feel if I were in your shoes?’ Instead, you are patiently ready for what the other person is offering.” This art of patience and empathy is a practice to strive for.

➜ Active curiosity – having an explorer’s heart.

Keep asking questions with a genuine interest of wanting to know more about others. Studies show that life is better when you’re curious.

➜ Tenderness – deep emotional concern about another being.

Think Mister Rogers as he interacted with children. Think Ted Lasso as he relates to his players. Believe!

➜ A holistic attitude – trying to see the “all” of a person.

How often do we mis-see people by seeing only a piece of them? Brooks comments, “Some doctors mis-see their patients when they see only their bodies. Some employees mis-see workers when they see only their productivity.” Our goal is to resist every urge to simplify in this way of perceiving others.

Being an Illuminator is an ideal. We can all try our best to illuminate others without imposing cliché character types. Think about how this outlook can elevate your work and personal relationships.

© 2024 Karen Cortell Reisman, All rights reserved 

2 Comments

  1. Joel Litman

    In sales, this is referred to as who is the most important person when trying to close a deal? Answer: You, aka the customer. Gotta get the book now.

    • Karen Cortell Reisman

      Joel – Agreed! The customer is the VIP and Brooks’ suggestions focus on how to really know that person so that you can create a relationship which could net great business results.

Pin It on Pinterest