What do business holiday parties, family reunions or meetings of any shape and size have in common?
The. Dreaded. Small. Talk.
5 tips that make you better at small talk
🗣 Replace boring questions with some handy alternatives
According to CNBC Lead Psychology Reporter, Aditi Shrikant, you can transform bland questions (“What do you do?”) with more interesting inquiries.
Nicholas Epley, Univ. of Chicago psychology professor, suggests these swaps:
- Replace “Where are you from?” with “What’s the best thing about where you grew up?”
- Replace “Are you married?” with “Tell me about your family.”
- Replace “Where did you go to high school?” with “What advice would you give a high schooler?”
My client, Rob Jenkins, J.D. says, “I have a couple of tried and true questions that work for everyone”:
- “What’s next for you?”
- “What’s been a highlight for you in the past few months?”
🗣 Focus on and validate the other person
Try not to get caught up in this inner dialog, “Am I being weird?” or “Does this person like me?” Instead, focus on asking questions derived from what that person says to you. Or, find something to compliment about the other person. Maybe you like their jacket or what they wrote in a prior email. People love to be praised.
🗣 Nod more
Your body language is as important as your verbal language.
- Face the person you’re talking to.
- Have an open facial expression, aka a smile!
- Maintain good eye contact. My pet peeve: looking over the other person’s shoulder to zero in on someone seemingly more important.
- And nod when appropriate to show you’re present.
🗣 Ask for advice
Shrikant writes, “A series of studies from Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania found that we like people who ask for our guidance more than people who wish us well.” It makes the other person feel smart.
She says the topic and question does not have to be profound. If the person has just moved, you can ask, “How did you decide on which movers to use?”
🗣 Put your phone away
Can you go one hour without checking in or discovering breaking news? Sigh. It’s hard to do. Please silence your notifications so that you can be present and attentive.
Use these tips to transform small talk into big talk that nets synergy and momentum.
© 2024 Karen Cortell Reisman, Speak For Yourself® CEO. All rights reserved.
I really like your tips to have a more engaging conversation, even while having small talk. I find some people avoid eye contact, and they many not even realize they are doing it. Additionally, I subscribe to not having my phone out and not answering calls when my time is dedicated to having a conversation with another person. I wished other people did the same.
Juliet – Yes! I also wish others would put away their phones and their smart watches (unless they are in the middle of an emergency situation).
As for eye contact, did you know that women are inherently more effective with eye contact than men?
Thanks for your comments!