It’s all about neuroscience

If you tell yourself “Don’t think about a pink polka-dotted pig,” … you do. Every time. That’s how the brain works.

According to Michael Chad Hoeppner’s Fast Company article, Stop trying to ‘feel confident’, your ineffective self-talk like “don’t be nervous” creates thought suppression that boomerangs. 

Hoeppner says, “The more you try to suppress feelings of anxiety or awkwardness, the louder those feelings get.”

What actually builds confidence

From CEOs to senior leaders to small business owners, all across the board, you’ve come to me asking, “How do I feel more confident?”

My answer mirrors Hoeppner’s comments. It’s not about feeling more confident. You cannot wait around for this gravitas feeling to arrive. “Confidence is a behavior. You don’t need to feel confident to sound confident.”

Practice behavioral change

One tool to build communication confidence physically, NOT emotionally, is The Lego Drill.

Confident communicators embrace the power of the pause. Rather than adding in all those “ums”, the speaker pauses for a few beats. The confident communicator understands that silence, at the right moment, increases listener attention. And when you pause, you exude confidence.

You do not need to create this Lego masterpiece, but I had to share Riley’s (my grand-nephew) fabulous Lego creation!

But, you don’t do a good job of pausing! Hoeppner’s Lego Drill will build your tolerance for silence. Here’s how.

• Grab a few Lego blocks and place them on your desk.
• Pick one up, and while holding it, speak one complete thought.
• Finish that thought and place the block down in silence.
• Click this Lego block with another Lego block… in silence!
• Pick up the next block and share your next thought.

This tactile ritual forces you to pause, breathe and slow down. Hoeppner accurately opines, “It trains you to get comfortable with the kind of deliberate silence that powerful speakers know how to wield.”

Next steps ➜

🧩 First: Replace your thought bubble of pink polka-dotted pigs with some real Lego blocks on your desk.

🧩 Second: Use this outer physical tool rather than your inner mental self-talk tools.

🧩 Third: You don’t have to feel confident. You do have to show confidence.