You talk in boardrooms, on stages, in high-stakes moments. You can’t afford to speak unconsciously – unaware of the cost of wasted time speaking to people who can’t walk out!
You are surrounded by people who depend on your voice – and terrified to critique it. That’s how you might become blind to your own speaking.
Abide by my minimalist and maybe even offensive quotes in order to be heard, respected, and trusted.
🎤 “Shut up!” ➤ This idea offends because you believe leadership lives in talking. Often, it lives in stopping. Said in a kinder way, “Be quiet and/or pause more.” If you learn to speak less, you’ll discover you’re heard more – not because you shortened your monologue, but because you widened the room for processing and meaning.
🎤 “A compelling presentation is never just about your data.” ➤ Your numbers make your team informed, but context makes you memorable. You do need to share your data, but if you don’t add in your stories, examples, anecdotes, digestible stats, and maybe even props and visuals… your info will not be retained.
🎤 “Don’t wing it!” ➤ This quote is my indictment to our busy-executive culture. Do not assume (assume is my least favorite word) that your brilliance compensates for your audience’s time! Please do some prep. Know whom you’re talking to and what will bring value to them. By doing your homework you will design messages that inform, provoke, and more than anything else, mobilize.
So be offended.
Good! I hope this is a wake-up call with a twist.
These quotes aren’t insults.
They are reminders on how to be transformative communicators.
Whether you’re a football fan, or you never watch sports; whether you love or hate the Dallas Cowboys, whether you like or you can’t stand Jerry Jones – read on to gain three must-have Communication Superpower Moves.
Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles – December 10th, 1995
🏈 The Context.
While watching an episode of “America’s Team: The Gambler and his Cowboys”, a 2025 sports documentary series about the Dallas Cowboys during Jerry Jones’ ownership, I said to Jimmy (handsome husband) …
“Stop! That’s THE game!” He asks, “What’s the deal about this Cowboys-Eagles 1995 game?” I replied, “That’s the game that caused Marty’s death.”
🏈 The Stats.
With the game tied at 17-17 and just over two minutes left in the fourth quarter, Dallas Coach Barry Switzer dialed up a run play on Dallas’ own 30-yard line. Emmitt Smith was stopped short, but the Cowboys got a do-over when officials deemed the play started after the two minute warning. Dallas ended up running the exact same play, getting stuffed again.
🏈 The Outcome.
Marty, my friend’s dad, sitting in his lounger at his home in Dallas, could not believe that Switzer ran the exact same unproductive play twice. He was outraged… screamed at the TV… and had a heart attack.
The Cowboys lost this game. Marty lost his life.
Superpower Communication Takeaways from this Crazy Sad True Story
1️⃣ Acknowledge the Elephant in the Room
At the funeral for Marty, Rabbi Z approached the pulpit and paused. He saw the casket, looked at the bereaved family, gazed at the attendees, and began his comments by saying, “I’m sure Marty’s family will be OK with me saying that we certainly do take our Cowboys seriously in Dallas, Texas.”
Rabbi Z acknowledged the circumstances and embraced the reality known by everyone at the funeral. His comment evoked a light chuckle in that room.
For you: Whether you’re leading a summit retreat or presenting to your board or facilitating a zoom strategy session – find out the taboo subjects. Are there elephants in the room? The more you know, the better your outcome.
2️⃣ Maintain Levity
Life can be stressful and sad/bad stuff happens. As leaders, try to find the humor, like Rabbi Z did at this funeral. If you can make your team smile you will diffuse tension, enhance good will and increase your chances that your audience will remember what you say.
3️⃣ Keep Your Eye on the Ball (not to be punny)
“Who won the [expletive] Super Bowl that year? I don’t believe it was Philadelphia,” Coach Switzer said, knowing the Cowboys won all five games after the infamous fourth-and-1, winning in Super Bowl XXX. “I get the last laugh on that one.”
🏈 For you ➜
Use these three super power communication moves in your business and personal lives. I wish Marty could’ve laughed along side Switzer at Super Bowl XXX.
🎤 Get in synch, up front, with your direct report.
Have alignment with your supervisor on issues facing your team and company. You will lose authority if your boss reverses what you are doing and saying.
🎤 Know how to answer questions when you don’t know the answer.
You will not know how to handle every situation that crosses your path. To respond with confidence in these scenarios learn to use time as your negotiating factor. Example: “You’ve raised some valid concerns and you’ve given me lots to think about. I’ll get back to you on Friday.” Note: follow up when you say you’ll follow up.
🎤 Reduce your verbal clutter.
Fillers like “um,” “you know,” and “I think,” dilute your point, make you look nervous and decreases your gravitas. Try to erase this clutter by being aware of what fillers you use and wearing your imaginary Verbal Clutter Hat. Hint: practice this de-cluttering technique in less stressful situations and the habit will carry over into your work life.
🎤 Be aware of your tone of voice.
Don’t end sentences with a question mark unless they’re questions! This bad habit, called “upspeak”, negates your authority. Also, use declarative sentences. These are simple statements providing information or stating facts. Your tone of voice implies authority vs sounding hesitant and unsure.
🎤 Use the Power of the Pause.
Sounds easy but it’s not! You rush to fill in the spaces. You might chatter nervously or do a quick laugh/giggle at the end of your sentences. Both belie your sense of authority. State your thoughts and then stop. When answering questions you can pause to formulate your thoughts before responding. Become comfortable with silence.
🎤 Be straightforward.
Say what you want to say, even in difficult or awkward conversations. You will appear more confident and authoritative by being direct. Addressing issues is part of your job.
“You’ve run a very popular and expensive restaurant – that has your name on the door – for over 16 years… and it’s a competitive market here in Dallas. What do you attribute your success to?” asks the Dallas Morning News food editor to Dean Fearing.
Dean replies, “There are 3 components. First, consistency. We serve great food every day. Second, personability. I decided that I’d greet our customers at every table on a daily basis. I’ve done this from day one. Third, a great wait staff. We have a wonderful team at Fearing’s Restaurant.”
The parallels between Fearing’s top rated restaurant and 5-star communication skills
Consistency. Just like the expectations you have for a fine meal when entering a fine dining establishment, your team/board/stake holders expect you to communicate compelling content with clarity and confidence on a consistent basis.
Personability. You do business with people you know, like and trust. Let’s drill down on the word “like”. Be likeable, like Dean Fearing. Communicate with respect, listen with genuine interest and create an atmosphere of good will.
Leadership. Whether you run a billion dollar organization or you’re a solopreneur, you and your company represent and communicate your brand.
Once a year my daughter and I have an all-day spa date and one year we went to the Ritz Carlton. We began our day having lunch at their restaurant, Fearing’s. As we ate our delicious lunch, guess who came over to chat? Chef Fearing.
“Your presentation really spoke to me!” said Jo, an attendee at a speech I gave a few days ago in Carlsbad, CA on How To Communicate Like Duct Tape.
Jo continued, “At the cocktail party last night I asked Peggy about her family. I was being polite. For 15 minutes Peggy talked about her children.”
What’s wrong with this scenario?
Peggy has committed three communication fatal errors!
Networking Nightmare #1: Peggy’s conversation is one-sided. It’s a solid 15 minutes of The Peggy’s Family Show. Jo says nothing.
Networking Nightmare #2: Peggy is boring. She’s providing a grocery list of data about her kids.
Networking Nightmare #3 (the biggest issue here): Jo does not have children and Peggy’s monologue creates a vacuum empty feeling for Jo.
How to avoid these networking nightmares
Networking Rule #1: Know Thy Audience.
In the presentation Jo resonated with – I spoke about nailing down the demographics of whom you’re speaking to. Her experience with Peggy shows the nuance of how vital it is to put yourself in the shoes of the listener… as you talk. If YOUR conversation has NOTHING to do with the recipient, then switch topics.
Networking Rule #2: Be Compelling.
Don’t do a grocery list, aka data dump, on your kids, last vacation or upcoming business venture. A compelling presentation is never just about the data. Come prepared to share a fun story about one child/grandchild, or one mishap from your vacation, or one testimonial story from your latest startup.
Networking Rule #3: Listen More.
Try to be 50-50 with your conversations. Ask questions. Find something in common with your chat buddy. Be a giver and a taker.
Self-disclosure here – I have to work on Rule #3. I’m aware, especially with Robin and Judy – my work-out and walking buddies, that I can dominate the conversation. I always have tons of stories to share! So… these rules also apply to your interactions with dear friends/colleagues and not just at networking opportunities.
You can avoid alienating others!
Author: Karen Cortell Reisman is Founder of Speak For Yourself®, a communication consulting firm, and the author of 2 books on how to communicate. She lives in Dallas, Texas and thanks Robin and Judy for listening to all her stories across time!
Let’s say you face a crummy medical diagnosis. How do you decide on a medical doctor?
The way you make that decision utilizes the same steps you’d embrace to hire anyone that’s critical for your business. Vice versa – the same factors apply to anyone hiring you.
In a NYT article “A Doctor’s Guide to a Good Appointment”, Danielle Ofri, M.D. writes, “These days it’s easier to pick out a blender than a doctor.” There are far more online accurate comparisons for a kitchen appliance!
3 Tips to Choosing a Good Doctor
Dr. Ofri suggests using these tips to choose a good doctor:
A doctor who takes his or her time talking with you, as opposed to making you feel like you’re at a drive-through fast-food joint.
A doctor who engages his or her patients in decision-making, as opposed to simply rattling off a to-do list.
A doctor who you can get in touch with on the phone or through secure email.
3 Tips to Get Hired
Dr. Ofri’s tips apply to you – whether you pitch a product/service OR your business hires a new VP/partner/board member.
Take time and listen. Do you diminish others by not making them feel like the only one in the room? How often do you rush the conversation, monopolize the discourse, or make the other person feel like a Big Mac hamburger rolling along the conveyor belt?
Engage and Include. On a Top Ten List on how to motivate your team “getting paid” takes 4th place. Yes – your employees work to get paid to do their lives. But in our Great Resignation period of time (and beyond) employ Tip #1 and Tip #2: Engage. And include your teams in decision-making.
Be Approachable. I asked a new client during our pitch call, “What questions do you have?” He asked a few and then I said, there’s one more, “Does Karen disappear in-between meetings?” I answered my own question 😎 with, “You can always text, call or email if you have comments and questions.”
Just like with your favorite physician – you want to be known as a company that listens, engages, includes, and responds. Quid pro quo – to get hired follow these same principles.
Author: Karen Cortell Reisman is Founder of Speak For Yourself®, a communication consulting firm, and the author of 2 books on how to communicate. She lives in Dallas, Texas and just bought a new blender.
Whether you’re a football fan, or you never watch sports; whether you love or hate the Dallas Cowboys, whether you like or you can’t stand Jerry Jones – read on to gain three must-have Communication Superpower Moves.
3️⃣ Keep Your Eye on the Ball (not to be punny)
Emerging leaders beware: are you undermining your own authority without realizing it?
Once a year my daughter and I have an all-day spa date and one year we went to the Ritz Carlton. We began our day having lunch at their restaurant, 
