You will give a toast somewhere (you probably already have) and it’s the wild card of every big event.
It might be the drunk groomsman, the never-ending colleague at the retirement party, or a friend that brings up politics or religion even after being told not to.
Start with T-O-A-S-T, a helpful acronym from author and award-winning speaker Ramona J. Smith, as reported by NPR, to give a memorable & heartfelt tribute.
🥂 T – Tell a story
Rather than doing a list of accolades, share a vignette about the person, event or couple you’re toasting. Then connect the story to the occasion.
🥂 O – Optimism is your North Star
Yes, you can tell an emotional story BUT shift to the positive. Ex: I coached a proud mother-of-the-groom whose son had overcome Stage 4 cancer… and here he was – standing next to his beautiful bride. She moved from despair to joy in her beautiful toast.
🥂 A – Authenticity (better than humor)
Be honest and vulnerable in your remarks. Ex: Sharing anecdotes of growing up together beats trying to be funny. It’s a toast, not a roast.
🥂 S – Speech means practice
Read your speech aloud to a trusted friend. Try to remember the very first and last sentence so that you are not looking at your notes when you start and finish.
🥂 T – Timing, think brevity
Have you ever thought, “Rats, I wish they had talked longer?” Time yourself when you practice and keep your message to less than three minutes.
🥂 BONUS
DO give toasts. It makes the special birthday party, annual Thanksgiving meal, or the quarterly girls’ dinner more special.
DON’T drink before a toast.
🥂 A toast to my faithful blog reader and friend, Dr. Elliot Michael Reisman, for sending this article to me.
You might wonder what fish balls have to do with communication skills.
Answer: everything.
Karen with her Mom, Anne Cortell
MY MOM’S GEFILTE FISH BALLS
It’s time to make Gefilte Fish Balls for the Jewish Holiday of Passover. Back by popular demand I’m re-posting this blog.
Don’t make The GF Balls. Why?
Your kitchen will reek of fish for one week.
YOU will smell like fish for one week.
Your refrigerator will smell like fish for two weeks.
But – you’ll value this recipe on communication, life, death and, well, fish balls.
My mom was a great cook. The problem – she never taught me how to cook.
Every year for the Jewish High Holy Day, Rosh Hashanah, she made her famous Gefilte Fish Balls.
One time I watched her prepare the gefilte fish, against her wishes. She remarked, “I don’t know how I do it. I just put it all together. I can’t give you a real recipe”.
See approximate recipe below.
AS I GREW UP
We always had a large crowd for Rosh Hashanah. After I got married, I inherited the tradition and celebrated this High Holy Day – the Jewish New Year, at my home. At one time we peaked at around 45 people for this seated dinner.
Mom continued to prepare the fish. On the day of the dinner she would arrive at my door around 11am, honking her horn. I’d come outside and help bring in the 5 Pyrex dishes filled with The Balls. We would sit down, have 2 Balls with fresh Challah (bread) – a true highlight moment. I always knew the best part about this celebration was not the holiday itself, but the entire day spent with my Mom. We would set the tables, prepare other dishes, and spend time together.
I vividly recall her final Rosh Hashanah. According to her notes she brought the fish over on 9 – 8 – 1991, two days before her 72nd birthday. She honked her horn as usual. She came in saying, “Karrrren (she had a thick German accent), I’m tired. I don’t know why. I shouldn’t be, but I am.”
We had our typical fantastic day together and a lovely evening celebration. She had a fatal heart attack two months later.
A YEAR LATER
I took her copious log, called the grocery store and attempted to make The Balls. At the last minute Aunt Lorraine offered to help. (Aunt Lorraine was not a ‘real’ Aunt – she was my Mom’s best friend and a second mother to me. We just called everyone ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’.)
Out of deep sadness evolved a new rich tradition. From that year forward, Aunt Lorraine and I would prepare The Balls together. She had her pot – covering two burners, I had mine – covering the other two burners. She tossed in the same amount of seasoning as I.
She’d say, “Karen, I don’t get it! We’ve done the exact same thing, but your Balls always taste better”, which was an accurate assessment, in my humble opinion.
“Aunt Lorraine, I know why. My mom is watching over my pot, not yours.”
Then Aunt Lorraine was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and just ahead of Rosh Hashanah she said, “Karen, I won’t be able to prepare the gefilte fish this year.”
Her comment spoke volumes. What she was really saying was, “I can’t make the gefilte fish because I’m dying.”
Lessons learned about life, death & ground fish balls
With my mom – It wasn’t about The Balls. It was about love, tradition, celebration, Mom and daughter time and family.
With Aunt Lorraine – It wasn’t about The Balls. It was about finding ways to move from deep grief to new and special connections that help fill the void.
So – don’t make these Balls (refer back to top).
But – do make time for those you love. Create wonderful traditions in and out of the kitchen. Those memories – past, present, and future are delicious.
➜ NOTE: I’m taking a Blog Break for the next couple of weeks. See you in May!
RECIPE
INGREDIENTS
Order from grocery store:
2 pints of finely ground onions
Tell the guy to take fish (amounts below) and filet and grind twice. Once it’s ground you should have around 6 pounds of ground fish. Make sure he saves the carcass and skin – and gives to you. Have them remove the eyes. (!)
3 pounds of buffalo fish
4 pounds of trout
4 pounds of whitefish
8 carrots
A head of celery – use the very tops and the bottom part (I think my mom was saving the best part for other uses)
5 sticks of margarine
2 large onions, sliced (that’s in addition to the pre-ordered ground onions)
1 dozen eggs
14 ounces matzo meal
Salt
Pepper
Lawry salt
Garlic salt
Sugar
2 packs of clear Knox gelatin [Note to Dr. Robert Edwab – get over it!]
Couple of jars of red horseradish
DIRECTIONS
Place rinsed skeletons, heads, tails in bottom of a huge silver deep rectangular pan that will cover two of your burners on your stove. Throw away fish skin.
Add water – totally cover – about ¾ high in the huge pan.
Add all the carrots, celery tops and bottoms, margarine, sliced up onions.
Add:
7 seconds of salt – from large container using the spout
7 seconds of garlic salt – with open bottle (no sifter)
5 seconds of Lawry salt – with open bottle (no sifter)
4 seconds of sugar out of sack
3.5 seconds of pepper
Put on two burners on stove on high till it boils. Cover and turn to simmer for around 40 minutes to an hour. While this is simmering, prepare the fish.
Put all the ground fish in large bowl.
Add:
2 pounds finely ground onion
3 cups of water
1 dozen eggs
14 ounces of matzo meal
6 seconds of salt (for all seasonings use same lid as above)
4.5 seconds of pepper
5 seconds of Lawry salt
5 seconds of garlic salt
4 seconds of sugar
Then…
Knead together and add 4 more cups of water
Use an ice cream scooper – dip scooper into heated fish broth first – then scoop out 2 balls. Fill the scooper but make it flat at the top (unlike today’s huge portion of ice cream at an ice cream shop, but that’s another story).
Put the scoops of fish into the fish broth. Turn the broth up to boil again and wait for the balls to float, turn white, and not fall apart. These are your test balls! IF they fall apart, add more matzo meal to your ground fish concoction.
Take your test balls out when ready and place in freezer. Go grab some coffee and wait a bit. Take the balls out of the freezer and eat them. Should taste delicious.
Now get busy: Put 16 balls at a time into the fish broth. Bring to a boil. Should take about 10 min. to cook – or until they’re really floating.
All of this: 114 balls (not an approximation) *
Once done: take all the fish bones and other ingredients out of the fish broth. Add in the gelatin. Save the cooked carrots and dice.
Pour the fish broth over the fish balls in their various glass Pyrex dishes. Cover and refrigerate.
SERVE THIS WAY
2 balls/plate
One little slice of cooked carrot on top of each ball.
NOTE: Looks like The Balls are graduating from college.
Place some of the jelled fish broth on each plate.
Add a dab of horseradish to the side.
* While Mom never had a written recipe, she kept a log of each time she prepared Gefilte Fish. Her detailed notes of jelling challenges, added matzo meal, how many balls went where date back to the 1950’s. Some notes from her batch on 9-18-1990: “It made a total of 114 balls and I think it turned out very good! Indeed EXCELLENT AND IT JELLED!! Total of 81 balls for Karen, she had 11 left for her. 12 for Nina, 8 for me, 4 for Reisman, 8 for Kallenberg, 2 each for Ruth and Norma”.
Whether you are keynoting at your national meeting or presenting your million dollar sales pitch or trying to chat with your disenchanted teenager your message must engage, be sticky and persuade them to take action.
90% of the info you take in comes to you through your eyes. Presentations using visuals are 43% more persuasive than those without.
It takes only ¼ second for your brain to process and attach meaning to a symbol.
On the other hand, it takes you 6 seconds to read 20 to 25 words.
Earl Miller, MIT Neuroscientist, says, “When people think they’re multi-tasking, they’re actually just switching from one task to another very rapidly.” You cannot simultaneously read and listen.
🎤 Relevance to you ➜ Use visuals but stop using bullets/paragraphs on your visuals!! Visuals need to be visual! Bullets kill.
2️⃣ The biological predilection for stories ►
You hear stats. You sense stories.
A Wharton Business School study found that people donate twice as much when presented with relatable stories rather than stats alone. That means stories are two times more persuasive than raw data.
Your audience’s brains are designed to respond to stories.
🎤 Relevance to you ➜ Use stories in tandem with your data in order to bring your message alive.
3️⃣ The powerful brain response to two-way conversation ►
The top two habits of successful sales people, according to their customers: 1) getting educated on new ideas/gizmos and 2) feeling included as a collaborator.
By making your audience feel like you’re working together you build trust and rapport.
Collaboration, listening and connecting personally wins the sales pitch.
🎤 Relevance to you ➜ Include your listeners when you speak/sell/pitch. Ask questions, listen, use the info that they share and be conversational.
Your scientifically proven guide to being even more persuasive, memorable and engaging 😎
Use visuals.
Use stories.
Be conversational and collaborative.
You’ve seen these concepts in my many blog articles… it’s nice to be supported by science! Plus, my editor, Judy Dedmon Coyle, loves scientific studies, and for good reason. These studies prove it all!
Time to reveal my Best-Of-List to maximize your “stickability” as a communicator in 2025 ➜
#1 🎤 Communication Habit: Find the humor.
Even during drama-filled times and situations – funny stuff happens. Keep notes on this “you cannot believe what just happened” truths. Use this material in your conversations, stories and presentations.
#2 🎤 Communication Habit: Ask questions.
You will be forced to listen more and you’ll learn more than if you’re doing all the talking.
#2 1/2 🎤 Communication Habit: Use these 3 words more often… “Tell me more”.
After you’ve listened and asked questions, follow up with, “Tell me more.” You’ll gain even more awareness and understanding.
#3 🎤 Communication Habit: Read more.
Fiction or non-fiction – you’ll gain insights and become even more articulate. Even a trashy novel can provide examples of how to use dialogue, plot development, and what makes for a good story.
#4 🎤 Communication Habit: Reflect on your positive communication experiences in ’24.
You do a great job of remembering in exquisite detail when you think you’ve failed at running that meeting, or facilitating the board discussion, or giving a speech to your shareholders. Think back on when you rocked on your platforms. Not only will this make you feel great – but it has a positive rollover effect on your future gigs.
A special nod to my work with GTS, American Heart Association, Region 10 ESC and many individual clients that made 2024 so rewarding!
#5 🎤 Communication Habit: Write more.
Practice writing short, clear and value-driven emails, articles, reports and posts. And how about your email subject headers?? Make them to-the-point as well.
Confession: I began writing this blog series … kicking and screaming. Now I realize it’s been one of my best communication habits. Writing makes you a better communicator. I am forced to observe with purpose… all the time… constantly mining for good info and stories.
BONUS 🎤 Communication Habit: Empower by praising others.
It’s a complicated world, made just a little bit easier if you can find something positive to say to the next person in line at the grocery store or to anyone in your personal and professional arenas. You’ll make their day. So give someone a specific and sincere compliment today.
YOU are the reason this blog exists. Thank you for your support and comments directly on this blog or in my email box. See you in 2025.
Stories make your message stick – whether you are talking to your board, your team, your prospect, your kids, or even people you meet while traveling.
My takeaway from listening to many people at conventions, social events, dinners and airplane mates : you are NOT good storytellers.
Here are 5 ways to screw up on telling your stories ➜
BORING STORY 😴
What makes a story boring? No conflict. If you want to engage your listener, include the stuff that causes problems. Would you go to a movie or read a book that only revealed that Dick and Jane met and then lived happily ever after? Nice chain of events (in fiction-land) AND boring.
CONFUSING STORY 😵💫
The trick about telling a good story is to start with context. Include some specific details about where you are or the place where the story begins. Then tell your story with up to three characters. You get confusing when you have too many characters. Next – ask yourself, is your info pushing your story forward? Or, are you going off on tangents? Is your added morsel about sales figures from three years ago creating more clarity or confusion?
You know people who do this! Every story is about themselves and they swagger on and on about their triumphs. Do not be this person! The best stories are self-deprecating. You can still share your successes but we learn more from your foibles than from your gold medals.
EXAGGERATED STORY 🤥
Sometimes it helps to embellish a story! You can tweak your true events to make the characters, conflict and conclusion more relevant. BUT avoid over exaggerations that belie your message. We will figure out that you are beyond reality on the size of your captured fish and then you become discredited.
Practice storytelling with friends. Be aware of when you lose their interest, or they don’t laugh when you think they should, or they don’t “get” what you’re saying. Review this Glossary of Bad Stories and call us to work on this skill set.
Stories make your message stick – whether you are talking to your board, your team, your prospect, your kids, or even people you meet while traveling.
But not all stories are created equal.
5 ways you screw up on telling your stories ➜
BORING STORY – Think about movies and books. Something always goes awry, then you’re hooked on the plot. A story without conflict is a boring non-story. You might as well be sharing your grocery list. If you want to engage your listener, include the problems and challenges. Otherwise you don’t have a tale worth telling.
CONFUSING STORY– The trick about telling a good story is to explain your context first. Where are you? What’s the setting? Include some specific details about the place or people that bring the locale and characters alive.
POINTLESS STORY – Why tell a story that has no relevance to your listener? Is there a learning lesson or value to your story? You don’t have to be preachy, but you do need to provide a reason for your audience to want to hear your story
ALWAYS THE HERO STORY – You know people who do this! Every story is about themselves and their triumphs. The best stories are self-deprecating. You can still share your successes but we learn more from your foibles than from your gold medals.
TANGENT STORY – A first cousin to a Confusing Story! You begin and then get lost going down various tangent lanes… without tying the subplots back to your main story. If your tangent adds to your story, like a funny riff, then circle back before you lose your main thread.
Practice telling good stories in non-stressful settings. Be aware of when you lose your listeners’ interest, or they don’t laugh when you think they should, or they don’t “get” what you’re saying. Then tweak.
Review this Glossary of Bad Story templates and call us to work on this skill set.
You will give a toast somewhere (you probably already have) and it’s the wild card of every big event.
🥂 BONUS
AS I GREW UP
– past, present, and future are delicious.
SERVE THIS WAY
1️⃣ The important role that vision plays ►
2️⃣ The biological predilection for stories ►
3️⃣ The powerful brain response to two-way conversation ►
Your scientifically proven guide to being even more persuasive, memorable and engaging 😎
Stories make your message stick – whether you are talking to your board, your team, your prospect, your kids, or even people you meet while traveling.
