“This property has two tanks,” proclaimed our real estate agent, Rita. My husband, Jim, and I toured the ranch in Rita’s four-wheeler and I never saw any tanks. At another location, Rita said, “As we drive around this 50 acres they have three tanks.” Again, I could not find these tanks.
This confusion persisted as we drove around the northern edge of Texas’ hill country in search of a small ranch that Jim wanted to purchase. More on THAT in another blog!
Let me say that this venture was NOT on my top 50 things to do with our time and money. But, it was Jim’s dream and I, Ms. Urban Girl, needed to change my attitude and be a part of the journey.
Entrance to Star Ranch
As we kept searching, Rita kept mentioning the number of tanks each property had. My confusion led to these questions: “Why was our U.S. government deploying army tanks on these sleepy little ranches? And where were these tanks concealed? And why just a few on each ranch?”
You are getting the picture. Ms. Urban Girl was clueless. Fortunately I never asked these questions out loud! But I kept trying to find these tanks.
sunset at Star ⭐️ Ranch
Do you know how many definitions exist for the word “tank”?
A large receptacle for holding, transporting or storing liquids.
An enclosed heavily armed combat vehicle.
A sleeveless top.
A pond, one built as a water supply.
A jail cell.
To fail or decline sharply.
Rita never knew that I did not know that a “tank” meant a “pond” in this scenario.
The silent speech mistake that can tank your message
Our chickens running around
Don’t use terms, acronyms or business jargon that others might not understand. Explain and define terms and concepts that have double, triple or even quadruple meanings.
Hanging around the campfire when it’s colder. One of our tanks is to the right of this!
Ask yourself:
How often do you use terms that confuse your listeners?
Are you looking at your information from your audience’s point of view?
Are your prospects and clients in sync with what you really mean?
Don’t screw up with your audience. Understand where they come from! Remember “The Tank Principle”.
We found a fabulous property, Star Ranch! It’s been the best thing I never wanted. We are there most weekends and love looking at our 8 chickens, 3 longhorns and 4 tanks.
People do business with people they know, LIKE and trust. The unpacking of this 10-word transformative sentence on how how to elevate your business success became one of our all-time popular blogs. You can read it here.
Regarding the “LIKE” component ➜ You have choices on who you want to hire, who you want to promote and who you want to grab lunch with. You’ll pick the person you like over the person you don’t like (you know the ones).
Michael Thompson, career coach and blogger on “Ladders”, suggests these four ways to become even more likeable without saying a whole lot ➜
👍🏼 Remember Anthony Bourdain’s advice.
I quote Thompson who quotes Bourdain… so please do not think less of me for being rather crude and blunt here! Bourdain said, “Don’t be a d*ck”.
Don’t be the one who looks down on people. Treat everyone with respect.
Don’t speak poorly of others. According to spontaneous trait inference the way you describe others is how other people see you.
“Other d*ck moves include gossiping, being a one-upper or over-interrupter and being negative all the time.”
👍🏼 Be kind more than being Alpha.
Regarding first impressions you heighten your executive presence when you exhibit strong eye contact, good posture and a firm handshake. But Number One on my list is a smile. Your open facial expression is contagious and promotes kindness. Thompson adds, “Aim for warmth.”
👍🏼 Show people you care.
You do this by listening. Thompson shares, “Make sure the other person feels like an equal partner and the best way to do that is to shut up and listen when they’re speaking.”
Listening takes work! Do a call-back from a prior conversation. Listen for commonality. Ask questions.
👍🏼 Get micro on people’s names.
Sure, it’s impressive to remember and use the names of your colleagues and department teams, and everyone else in your business. But, Thompson asks, “Do you want to instantly boost your likeability?” He brilliantly suggests to recall and use the names of your colleagues and teams’ children or other loved ones. By going this extra step you show that you really listen and care. And that makes you likeable.
5 billionaires walk into a bar…
Thompson closes by quoting Greg Isenberg, growth advisor for TikTok US, who interviewed five billionaires on life lessons. Isenberg shared, “Likeable people win. People sense those good vibes. It does wonders for your startup, career, and life.”I agree.
What do business holiday parties, family reunions or meetings of any shape and size have in common?
The. Dreaded. Small. Talk.
5 tips that make you better at small talk
🗣 Replace boring questions with some handy alternatives
According to CNBC Lead Psychology Reporter, Aditi Shrikant, you can transform bland questions (“What do you do?”) with more interesting inquiries.
Nicholas Epley, Univ. of Chicago psychology professor, suggests these swaps:
Replace “Where are you from?” with “What’s the best thing about where you grew up?”
Replace “Are you married?” with “Tell me about your family.”
Replace “Where did you go to high school?” with “What advice would you give a high schooler?”
My client, Rob Jenkins, J.D. says, “I have a couple of tried and true questions that work for everyone”:
“What’s next for you?”
“What’s been a highlight for you in the past few months?”
🗣 Focus on and validate the other person
Try not to get caught up in this inner dialog, “Am I being weird?” or “Does this person like me?” Instead, focus on asking questions derived from what that person says to you. Or, find something to compliment about the other person. Maybe you like their jacket or what they wrote in a prior email. People love to be praised.
🗣 Nod more
Your body language is as important as your verbal language.
Face the person you’re talking to.
Have an open facial expression, aka a smile!
Maintain good eye contact. My pet peeve: looking over the other person’s shoulder to zero in on someone seemingly more important.
And nod when appropriate to show you’re present.
🗣 Ask for advice
Shrikant writes, “A series of studies from Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania found that we like people who ask for our guidance more than people who wish us well.” It makes the other person feel smart.
She says the topic and question does not have to be profound. If the person has just moved, you can ask, “How did you decide on which movers to use?”
🗣 Put your phone away
Can you go one hour without checking in or discovering breaking news? Sigh. It’s hard to do. Please silence your notifications so that you can be present and attentive.
Use these tips to transform small talk into big talk that nets synergy and momentum.
You know it when you see it. Executive Presence is intangible but unmistakable.
“When leaders with executive presence speak, people listen. They inspire that I’ll-follow-you-anywhere loyalty, conveying an aura of warmth and authenticity to everybody from the receptionist to the CEO.” (Business Week)
5 Ways to Show Executive Presence
🌀 Grace
“How would you describe yourself?”, I asked a past client. He responded, “Grace under pressure.” It’s no surprise that he was a Senior Vice President of a very successful urban real estate company in Chicago. To show Executive Presence you must be like this client – maintain composure and poise during challenging times, and be adaptable and flexible when handling the unexpected.
🌀 Image
Another client wanted to work on this very issue of Executive Presence. He was a senior level executive running the AI department of an international company. Yet, he leaned back – literally and philosophically. His image was not congruent with the culture of his company. As a starting point I asked him to sit tall and stand tall. To project a professional image means your language, attire and behavior needs to be consistent with the norms established within your organizational culture.
🌀 Self-Awareness
One of the tenets of emotional intelligence aka EQ is self-awareness. I tell my clients that a high IQ is a given (or you would not hold this successful position). It’s EQ that distinguishes who the best leaders are. Strong self-awareness includes understanding others’ perceptions and motivations in addition to your own impact as a leader.
🌀 Confidence
Self-assurance is key to Executive Presence. The old adage, “Actions speak louder than words”, is true. Your nonverbal behavior is a critical component of showing gravitas. Eye contact, poise, gestures, posture and your facial expression can support or detract from your presence.
🌀 Communication
Our blog is all about how to communicate to grow your business. Regarding Executive Presence, some compelling communication guidelines are: be clear, understand your organizational dynamics, gain buy-in with others, and manage relationships throughout your company.
🌀 🌀 🌀
Executive Presence is NOT just about showing charisma. This is good news to over half the population; you do NOT have to be an extrovert!
Executive Presence is about communicating your image with confidence, self-awareness and grace.
🌀 * Bonus Tip
My Aunt Hermine painted this sunrise captured at my weekend Star Ranch. She embodied all of these Executive Presence concepts for all 99.5 years of her life. My suggestion to you: find role models, not to copy but to emulate. She was a role model for me.
About a decade ago my husband, Jimmy, said, “Sweetheart, I want to fulfill my dream of owning land in the country.”
What’s missing in that declaration?
My dreams.
This urban girl, aka moi, loves the city, especially “my” city – Dallas. It isn’t the most scenic or unique locale; but, I’ve got roots here. It’s in the center of the U.S. – it’s easy to travel anywhere. We’ve got good museums, good hospitals, and good food. And, yes, good shopping.
How did I end up on a ranch?
All relationships – whether professional or personal – survive or die on your ability to solve issues.
When it came to buying a ranch – we had an issue. He wanted it and I did not. In fact, I thought he was joking. We knew nothing about owning a ranch – he’s a dentist and I run a communication consulting company!
Problem solving suggestions
Listen: First I had to really listen to what he wanted.
Rearrange: Then I had to rearrange my perception of the situation. Did I want to live with an unhappy partner? NO. I then realized this was going to happen and I was either going to be part of the process, or NOT part of the process.
Compromise: Finally we compromised. We found a place close enough to Dallas so that we could be weekend ranchers, still having our urban lives.
Luck: And then there’s just plain luck. (Or maybe it’s a function of timing.) We found Star Ranch, a place we could afford from someone desperate to sell.
So, how did I end up with longhorns? I don’t even own a dog or cat.
The seller left them! We inherited 5 longhorns. We signed the papers, returned the next weekend to spend our first night at the ranch and NOW THERE WERE SIX COWS. We had our first baby! I didn’t even know the cow was female, let alone pregnant.
Here’s your trivia for the day: all longhorns have, well, long horns. Males and females.
The best thing I never wanted
Jimmy was so happy that I was happy that he said, “You name our longhorn baby.” “Ok,” I replied, “Her name is Bliss”. He responded, “You can’t name a cow Bliss. Maybe ‘Chuck’ or ‘Filet’ but not ‘Bliss'”. But we did. And, that’s exactly what this place has become: a place of bliss. A respite to clear your head and add more to your soul.
We solved our issue by listening, shifting, and compromising.
And that makes me lucky, grateful, and blissed out.
