It’s a question that you ask all the time, and that you’ve been asked all the time.
It’s so common that I wonder if this question is part of our DNA.
The Culprit Question ➡
“What do you do?”
Psychologist and author Adam Grant shares “When you meet someone new, don’t ask: What do you do? It limits what people share about themselves to a job description.”
The Better Question ➡
“What do you love to do?”
Grant suggests you try, “What do you love to do? It ignites curiosity and invites people to express their distinctive interests.”
Try this tweak and send me your comments on how this one slight change on this age-old boring question elevates your conversations.
Thank you to Dr. E. Michael Reisman for sending me this Adam Grant article.
PS: Jimmy and I had a wonderful time at a family wedding in Colorado and enjoyed beautiful weather with more family and friends in various ski towns in CO. Glad to be back to my blog.
Source: Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant), via LinkedIn (April 2019).
A rabbi, priest, pastor, and an archbishop walk into a bar.
No, wait, they are not at the bar. They are officiating weddings.
No, wait, they are not doing weddings either.
YOU are officiating weddings.
In a recent survey by wedding website The Knot, 67% of couples are getting married by a friend, as compared to 27% in 2009.
💕 You are now running the show. Here’s some advice.
DO NOT wing it.
Watch the clock, just like you’d do when running a meeting. Start when the invitation says so. And find out how long they want the ceremony to last.
Keep the attention on the couple, not yourself. So, no stories about you.
Don’t forget to tell your wedding guests to sit down, if you’ve had them stand up!
Ask the couple ahead of time for their vision of the ceremony.
Find out their origin story and ask permission to share some of that.
Make sure you have the necessary credentials for legally officiating the wedding. Sometimes you have to register with the state and county.
Step out of the way after you pronounce the couple married and you’ve told them to kiss. They want that photo, but without you in the frame!
Brett Reisman officiating the wedding of Emily and Adam.
Several years ago our son, Brett, officiated a family wedding. I asked him how he prepared.
He shared, “I got Emily and Adam’s guidance and feedback on what rituals they wanted to include. I interviewed both of them separately and a few other people, like their siblings, and got multiple versions of how they fell in love. Then I took my script, printed it out, placed it into a beautiful journal that became their guest book. I took it seriously and it was a huge honor.”
The Knot estimates that over 2 million couples will get married this year. If you attend one or more of these, offer your silent wishes not just for the couple, but for the officiant too.
💕 Famous wedding couple speculation …
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are expected to celebrate at Madison Square Garden this week. Who will be their officiant? At the time of this blog publication it’s unknown. My guess is Jason Kelce, who is not a rabbi, priest, pastor, or archbishop. They’re probably at the bar.
Speaking of weddings I’ll be in Colorado soon to celebrate our nephew’s wedding, being officiated by a friend, of course!
See you back on my blog several weeks from now. It’s time to travel!
I’m a “Hackinista” – obsessed with the show “Hacks”.
I’m not the only Hackinista.
Hacks has won 12 Emmys and earned 62 nominations across its five seasons on Max. The show’s historic run includes multiple wins for Outstanding Comedy Series and a four-time streak for Jean Smart as Outstanding Lead Actress.
It follows Deborah Vance (Jean Smart), a stand-up comedian, and her comedy writer Ava Daniels (Hannah Einbinder), as they navigate the evolving dynamics of their professional partnership and personal lives within the contemporary comedy industry.
Smart Lessons on Rock Star Communicating
🎤 Find the humor
🎭 “Hacks” was funny, which is Job 1 for a show about funny people.
✅ For You ➡ How can you take life’s daily absurdities and find the humor? Look for it. Share the funny stuff. Laugh more.
🎤 Embrace intergenerational relationships
🎭 “Hacks” was astute about its millennial vs. boomer culture clash. Deborah initially sees Ava as a sensitive snowflake; Ava sees Deborah as, well, a sellout hack.
🎭 Jean Smart’s portrayal of the ruthlessly ambitious Deborah avoids easy stereotypes, and Hannah Einbinder shines as her tenacious millennial counterpart.
🎭 The two slowly bond as Ava pushes her new boss to take more risks and Deborah, in turn, helps Ava start to work through her personal problems.
✅ For You ➡ No matter what generation you are, learn from those in other age groups. Embrace creative partnerships.
🎤 Stay obsessed with your craft
🎭 To its last moments, “Hacks” is a show about the love of craft. For people like Deborah and Ava, the satisfaction of doing a thing well makes life worth living.
🎭 Both women endure misery, failure, and industry misogyny. Yet, they find their ultimate joy and validation in writing the perfect joke or delivering a knockout show.
✅ For You ➡ You’re already good at what you do. Whatever your craft is, find ways to stay obsessed with it.
🎤 Curtain Call
🎭 The final season elegantly wrapped up the series, with The New York Timesdeclaring the finale a perfect return to the show’s core: the romance of creative partnership and the saving power of laughs.
✅ For You ➡ You gotta laugh.
sources: The New York Times, wikipedia, binge-watching Karen
Have you ever been told to “think before you speak”?
My mom, of blessed memory, shared that directive with me a thousand times!
Maybe because I’ve always talked a lot. (Another story for another time…)
So, when I came across this acronym THINK, it struck a chord.
Is what you are about to say at work, with family, or with friends…
T – Thoughtful,
H – Honest,
I – Intelligent,
N – Necessary, and
K – Kind?
Reflecting on the THINK strategy in your own communication, consider how applying one or more of these principles can make a difference in your interactions.
Picture this scenario. As CEO of a construction company, my client was gearing up for a major new building project.
She knew she needed team buy-in and she focused on one vital skill: listening. As in, listening to her people. She uncovered some roadblocks and was able to do a smooth launch.
My client used these skills and it made all the difference.
The 4 listening skills
1️⃣ Listen Until the End We’ve all been there—someone starts sharing an idea, and you’re already formulating your response. Pause! Great leaders resist the urge to interrupt. Instead, give your full attention until they finish.
2️⃣ Listen to Summarize, Not to Solve Our instinct is to jump in with solutions. Pause again! First, make sure you understand the problem by summarizing what you’ve heard. This not only clarifies things but also shows that you value their perspective.
3️⃣ Listen for Relationships and Content Listen for the sub-text… what’s between the lines. Pay attention to the emotions and connections in the conversation. Understanding the “why” behind the “what” can lead to greater trust.
4️⃣ Listen for Values What matters most to your team? Use the conversation to understand what’s going on with the other person, whether that topic is small, emotional, or complex.
Practical impact
Leaders who listen well are better able to build trust and create environments where people feel comfortable speaking up.
The good news
Good communicators are often recognized for speaking well, but effective listening is just as critical (or even more crucial) in order to be a respected leader.
You can practice good listening skills deliberately. It’s not a trait you have or don’t have.
After a speaking engagement last week, the business owner, Dr. Ellis Shwarts, and I exchanged gifts.
My gift to him – meh.
His gift to me – clever, perfect and MEMORABLE.
Later I wrote Dr. Shwarts, “Your gift is so very thoughtful, and no one has given me this gift before. It was perfect.”
He replied, “Glad you liked it! I got the idea from www.giftologygroup.com. I heard them on a podcast discussing gifts for professionals and how a good gift to someone is something they would appreciate (like you mentioning your coffee ice cream in your bio…).
Dr. Ellis Shwarts
He noticed my email sig line and read my bio in advance. He did his homework.
“SPEAKER, AUTHOR AND COFFEE ICE CREAM EATER”
Dr. Shwarts gave me a gallon of coffee ice cream! Beyond perfect and I dug in as soon as I got back to my office.
Two epiphanies about business gift giving that have the best “return on relationship”
1️⃣ Be thoughtful. What does the recipient really care about?
2️⃣ It’s not about the money! You don’t have to spend a fortune.
You’re asking the wrong question.
Psychologist and author Adam Grant shares “When you meet someone new, don’t ask: What do you do? It limits what people share about themselves to a job description.”
Thank you to Dr. E. Michael Reisman for sending me this Adam Grant article.
Speaking of weddings I’ll be in Colorado soon to celebrate our nephew’s wedding, being officiated by a friend, of course!
I’m a “Hackinista” – obsessed with the show “Hacks”.
