I never thought I’d write a blog about how building trust could save your life. Save your bottom line, yes. Dying, no.
Not trying to be overdramatic here. Gaining trust saved four hostages’ lives last week after an 11-hour standoff at Beth Israel Synagogue in Colleyville, Texas.
“Jewish security officials said Rabbi Cytron-Walker modeled how to behave in a hostage crisis, gaining the trust of the gunman”, said Michael Masters, the Secure Community Network CEO.
TRUST
Regular SFY Blog Readers know my stance on the importance of gaining trust as a communicator. You have heard me say “trust” is my favorite word when it comes to speaking for yourself. People do business with people that they know, like and TRUST.
From various accounts of this hostage situation, here is a list of ways the Rabbi and the others communicated trust during this event.
Engage. “The Rabbi Cytron-Walker engaged Akram, the gunman, and kept him calm.”
Listen. “Cytron-Walker made clear to Akram that he trusted him.”
Stay calm & present. The Rabbi said, “As part of clergy training we talk about being a calm, non-anxious presence, we do that in hospital rooms, we do that during the most difficult individual moments… I did the best that I could to do that throughout the standoff.”
Use names. Masters, the CEO of the Secure Community Network, remarked, “The offender referenced the Rabbi by name, referenced at least one of the other hostages by name.”
Create rapport. “When Akram arrived at the synagogue the Rabbi made him tea, speaking with him extensively.”
Share credit. Cytron-Walker gave great credit to prior security courses he and his congregation had received as the reason he and the other hostages survived.
Gain trust in your world. It could be a lifesaver.
Author: Karen Cortell Reisman is Founder of Speak For Yourself®, a communication consulting firm, and the author of 2 books on how to communicate. She lives in Dallas, Texas and believes that gaining trust with her clients has been the reason for the success of Speak For Yourself®.
You give a good speech. One audience member nods off. You leap to, “I’m a bad presenter.”
You email an interested prospect. You get no reply. You leap to, “They’re not buying.”
You lose your sunglasses. You leap to, “The car valet service stole them.”
No. You are a good speaker. That audience member had chemo four days earlier.
No. Your email pitch resonates but the buyer is overwhelmed.
No. You discover two days later that your sunglasses are hiding under the passenger seat.
Welcome to a sport you play without even practicing: “Conclusion Jumping”™ … the art of deciding something without having all the facts.
When you do “Conclusion Jumping”™ you create communication obstacles. With insufficient information you assume (my least favorite word) an unwarranted conclusion that may negate your objectives/goals/message.
Train your brain to:
Slow down your reasoning process instead of immediately accepting that your intuition is necessarily true.
Collect as much information as possible before forming an initial hypothesis.
Look for the nuance. Is there background data that can help explain the current situation?
Ok. Go ahead. Practice for the High Jump. Or the Long Jump. Work on your Gymnastics Vault Jump.
Just don’t Jump to Conclusions.
************************************************
Thanks to @DailyWalker for this blog’s inspiration.
Karen Cortell Reisman, M.S., author of 2 books and President of Speak For Yourself®, works with decision makers on how to speak with gravitas. It’s all in how you speak for yourself. Karen also speaks about her cousin, #AlbertEinstein, in a message about hope, resilience and brassieres.
“You can make your team and region feel uplifted and motivated by praising more,” I said to one of my clients last week. In our discussion on how to have powerful 1:1s and meetings we brainstormed on these “do’s and don’ts” on praising.
Presence: Be in the moment and be sincere. Don’t say, “You’re doing a great job”. Rather, say, “Your sales numbers for last month hit way above the target. Tell me more.”
Proportionate: Be effusive with care. Hit the mark on what you’re trying to praise. Don’t go overboard or you’ll be discounted.
Power: Go up and down the totem pole of influence. It’s OK to compliment your Board of Directors or the night cleanup crew… and everyone in between.
Public: Praise someone in front of others – it has even more weight. If you compliment your Admin Assistant when other SVPs are standing by, your words provide an even greater positive morale experience.
Punctual… or not: Give compliments in a timely manner. However have you ever gotten this type of feedback, “You did something 10 years ago that really made a difference in my life”? You probably don’t know what the complimentor is talking about but you’re intrigued, you ask, and you are well pleased. Don’t hesitate to share praise even if you’ve exceeded the statute of limitations.
Polite – NO!: Don’t boomerang the praise if you’re the recipient. Do not say, “That’s so sweet… you’re also ….” Do say, “Thank you.” Accept the praise.
Professional & Personal: Praise in all your various worlds – sometimes we forget to praise those that we are closest to. (Reisi – thanks for always reading my blogs & providing feedback!) Compliment others in your business and personal settings.
Praise provides a positive experience that increases morale, motivation and engagement.
Your homework: Use the 7 “P”s of praising and do this today and always.
Karen Cortell Reisman, M.S., author of 2 books and President of Speak For Yourself®, works with decision makers on how to speak with gravitas. It’s all in how you speak for yourself. Karen also speaks about her cousin, #AlbertEinstein, in a message about hope, resilience and brassieres.
Stop. Before you click ‘delete’ while thinking “enough” about the Royal Couple’s drama, read these actionable approaches used by The Venerable Interviewer about how you can conduct your own critical interviews and conversations.
Give it some time. Oprah’s almost 2-hours with Meghan and Harry “really showed the power of the long-format interview, which is almost totally gone from TV nowadays,” THR’s Alex Weprin commented.
Your current paradox – while your attention span has shrunk even more during the pandemic, crucial conversations take time. Tighter segmentation of your schedules could be a detriment to all concerned. Your challenge – prioritizing your schedule to allow for time elasticity around critical issues.
Go three-deep on questions. “Oprah best displayed her interviewing chops by relentlessly circling back to emotional or news making comments like a heat-seeking missile,” WaPo’s Margaret Sullivan wrote.
When you lead/facilitate discussions go three-deep, like Oprah did. Ask your first question, then follow up with another and then one more. Your net gain – deeper and more complex understanding. Example:
Q – Dentist asks, “How do you feel about doing this dental implant?”
A – “I have some concerns.”
Q – “What are your concerns?”
A – “The pain involved.”
Q – “Have you had some negative prior experiences with pain caused by dentistry?”
A – “Yes – vivid childhood memories …”
Follow-up questions make all the difference.
Provide a hook. Winfrey announced at the end of the broadcast that additional clips would air the following day at “CBS This Morning”. There’s more to come!
When you give a presentation give your audience a reason to want to continue to listen to you in the future. When you have crucial conversations, it’s not so much a hook… rather it’s an open door. You never know how you might want to revisit issues down the road. Either way, presentation or conversation, give yourself the option to provide next steps, give direction, create momentum.
Karen Cortell Reisman, M.S., author of 2 books and President of Speak For Yourself®, works with decision makers on how to speak with gravitas. It’s all in how you speak for yourself. Karen also speaks about her cousin, #AlbertEinstein, in a message about hope, resilience and brassieres.
Alex Trebek’s final episodes of “Jeopardy!” air this week.
How did this “Jeopardy!” host and trivia master achieve fame and fans for over 3 decades … and what can you learn from this Canadian American TV personality about being a great communicator?
Professionalism. Regarding Trebek’s last week of shows, “He was in enormous pain. He was 10 days away from passing away. And you will not sense any of that in these episodes. He is strong, he sounds great, he’s funny, and he’s amazing,” executive producer Mike Richards told NBC’s “Today” on Monday.
Audience. Our blog often talks about the importance of knowing who your target market is and figuring out how to reach your ‘tribe’. Use Trebek as a model. His MO for treating TV guests and his millions of fans – respect, gravitas and humility.
Persistence. “Do not cancel. I will be there,” he says to Richards despite a recent surgery and weekly chemo.
Courage. “I think a normal person would have said, ‘I’m not gonna show up’ a year and a half before those final episodes,” Richards says.
Perspective. Alex offers impartial truths during his daily hit quiz show monologues no matter what havoc du jour has occurred.
The keeper of all questions dies 10 days after these tapings.
Here is ‘Communication & Leadership’ for 500:
Exude professionalism.
Know your audience and meet their needs.
Maintain perspective.
Have courage.
Be persistent.
The question is: “How does a rockstar communicator embrace Alex Trebek’s legacy as you begin 2021?”
Tell stories. Story telling = story selling. Your stories: the more specific – the more universal.
Know and share your Value Proposition – good to be better but better to be different.
Make strategic alliances. Help others make money. Be a trusted advisor.
Clarify what you are/do and what you are not/don’t do. Figure out what problems you solve.
Understand the 4 different generations in the marketplace & how to reach them.
Laugh at yourself. You’re more approachable/believable.
Understand your unconscious biases & practice inclusivity in subtle ways.
Be implementable… now.
Understand your audience/client Point of View. It’s not about you. It’s about what you solve for your buyer.
This list of timely and timeless communication habits has been inspired by my continuing education via the National Speakers Association and these brilliant speakers/consultants listed below.
Sources: Aldonna Ambler, Lenora Billings-Harris, Lois Creamer, Sally Hogshead, Anna Liotta, Scott McKain, Al Walker, Alan Weiss.
I never thought I’d write a blog about how building trust could save your life. Save your bottom line, yes. Dying, no.
But we are all gold medalists of this sport.
Karen Cortell Reisman, M.S., author of 2 books and President of Speak For Yourself®, works with decision makers on how to speak with gravitas. It’s all in how you speak for yourself. Karen also speaks about her cousin, #AlbertEinstein, in a message about hope, resilience and brassieres.
“You can make your team and region feel uplifted and motivated by praising more,” I said to one of my clients last week. In our discussion on how to have powerful 1:1s and meetings we brainstormed on these “do’s and don’ts” on praising.
Stop. Before you click ‘delete’ while thinking “enough” about the Royal Couple’s drama, read these actionable approaches used by 
Alex Trebek’s final episodes of “Jeopardy!” air this week.
Tell stories. Story telling = story selling. Your stories: the more specific – the more universal.
