“You’ve run a very popular and expensive restaurant – that has your name on the door – for over 16 years… and it’s a competitive market here in Dallas. What do you attribute your success to?” asks the Dallas Morning News food editor to Dean Fearing.
Dean replies, “There are 3 components. First, consistency. We serve great food every day. Second, personability. I decided that I’d greet our customers at every table on a daily basis. I’ve done this from day one. Third, a great wait staff. We have a wonderful team at Fearing’s Restaurant.”
The parallels between Fearing’s top rated restaurant and 5-star communication skills
Consistency. Just like the expectations you have for a fine meal when entering a fine dining establishment, your team/board/stake holders expect you to communicate compelling content with clarity and confidence on a consistent basis.
Personability. You do business with people you know, like and trust. Let’s drill down on the word “like”. Be likeable, like Dean Fearing. Communicate with respect, listen with genuine interest and create an atmosphere of good will.
Leadership. Whether you run a billion dollar organization or you’re a solopreneur, you and your company represent and communicate your brand.
Once a year my daughter and I have an all-day spa date and one year we went to the Ritz Carlton. We began our day having lunch at their restaurant, Fearing’s. As we ate our delicious lunch, guess who came over to chat? Chef Fearing.
And you don’t even have to do a squat, burpee or a jumping jack.
“A study in Cell Reports Medicine showed that just five minutes of breathwork each day for about a month could improve mood and reduce anxiety,” reports Richard Sima in The Washington Post.
This report further claims that breathwork benefits may be larger than mindfulness meditation using the same amount of time.
A Huge Assist for Speaker Anxiety
One of the most significant issues facing our Speak For Yourself® clients is getting over stage fright. The outcome of this study, helpful in any nerve wracking situation, can apply when you’re giving a speech, on a panel, recording a video …
The Study
Participants: 108 adults, randomly controlled. They did this breathwork at home following video directions.
Activity: Researches compared 3 different 5-minute breathwork exercises. Some were deliberate guided breathing in various ways. Some did mindfulness meditation where participants observed their breathing but did not try to control it.
Results: “After 28 days, participants in both the mindfulness meditation and breathwork groups reported having more positive feelings and fewer negative ones compared with before they began their respective practices.” Both groups reported reduced feelings of anxiety. (WAPO)
“That’s not bad for five min/day,” said David Spiegel, an author of the study. “It seems that practicing some control over your respiration is a kind of entry into one way of controlling your autonomic activity.”
The Accumulation Effect: These positive effects did take time to kick in. The more the participants spent doing this breathwork, the better they felt each successive day.
The ROI for you
When you get anxious you breathe faster. By doing this breathwork you can control and relax your physical state and slow down your breathing.
Can you take a few minutes to control your breathing, connect with your body and encourage it to deal with what you want to deal with… like your upcoming presentation?
Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds. Increase the number of seconds and repeat and repeat.
Are you busy “doing” vs “being”? (OK – rather zen-ish but think about it.)
Breathe.
Photo: by Karen Cortell Reisman @ Barcelona Park Guell
Mickey Raphael*, Willie Nelson’s harmonica player in 7000 performances, says, “Miles (Davis) taught me, ‘Don’t overdo it. Take a breath. What’s important is the space between the notes.’”
When you want your listeners to really hear you: Don’t overdo it. Take a breath. What’s important is the space [pauses] between your content.
Why use pauses?
Pauses enhance your vocal variety.
Pauses keep your audience attentive.
Pauses act as verbal commas, semi-colons and periods.
So why don’t you pause more often?
When you get nervous you speed up – the exact opposite intention!
You can’t stand white space!
Time distortion: You think you’ve paused for an eternity but it’s been only 1 nano-second.
How do you master the art of the pause?
Use a pause to transition from one idea to the next. (Your most logical pause strategy.)
Insert a “pause” into your material when you want to create drama. (Write it into your outline & internally count “1001, 1002, 1003 – maybe even longer.”)
Add pauses when sharing a story. (Especially if you act out some dialogue.)
Pausing is one of the most powerful tools you have when you speak. I urge you to find “The Space Between Your Notes”.
*PS: Personal trivia – Mickey Raphael grew up in my home town, Dallas, and my parents enjoyed a great friendship with Thelma and Arno, Mickey’s parents!
According to the Forbes Coaches Council these communication habits get in your way. Whether you are chairing your quarterly board meeting or responding to an email these unconscious habits can damage relationships and impact your business growth.
Hitting ‘Send’ Too Quickly
Are you brave enough to share your email nightmare moments in our blog comment section? These disasters happen when you press ‘send’ before realizing you’re sending to the wrong person, or expressing frustration without calming down first, or replying without the info. Got more examples?
put your own email address in the “To” line and delete the real recipient address(es) until ready to send and
give yourself some time to reflect before pressing “send”.
Failing To Listen With Intention
Are you a robotic listener? Do you nod, slap an open expression on your face, and wait till you get to share your own comment?
Jonathan H. Westover, Ph.D suggests that instead, you need to “listen with the intention of helping colleagues feel heard, valued and understood.”
Not Asking Questions
Are you doing “Verbal Ping-Pong”? Are you going back and forth doing alternating mini-monologues? Christopher Jones, LeaderSharp Group Inc. comments, “We tend to swap opinions and stories rather than ask questions.”
He suggests taking a “coach-approach” to conversations that create a more meaningful dialogue. Ask questions vs. ping-ponging. One of my favorite phrases, also suggested by Jones, is: “Tell me more”. You create an atmosphere that builds rapport and increases trust.
What are some other bad communication habits that drive you nuts?
“You’ve run a very popular and expensive restaurant – that has your name on the door – for over 16 years… and it’s a competitive market here in Dallas. What do you attribute your success to?” asks the Dallas Morning News food editor to Dean Fearing.
Once a year my daughter and I have an all-day spa date and one year we went to the Ritz Carlton. We began our day having lunch at their restaurant, Fearing’s. As we ate our delicious lunch, guess who came over to chat? Chef Fearing.
“A study in Cell Reports Medicine showed that just five minutes of breathwork each day for about a month could improve mood and reduce anxiety,” 
According to the 
