Use this scientifically proven phrase whether you’re networking / making a first impression, or you’re conversing with one of your longtime colleagues.

Why? People do business with people they know, LIKE, and trust.

Did you know?

According to psychologist Dr. Alessia Fransisca in Psyc Digest, people decide in 7 seconds if they like you. Your goal: Trigger oxytocin (trust hormone) and dopamine (reward chemical) … fast. Here’s how.

The 3-Word Phrase

“Tell Me More”

Why it works (Dr. Fransisca says it best)

• Validation – You are affirming that you care about THEM.
• Reciprocity – They may ask you some questions.
• Curiosity – You are modeling a communication super power – listening vs. talking by asking questions.

Karen, Jimmy, Ricky the cast artist, and Karen’s new accessory

Let’s practice ( 4 days ago… 😬)

• Me: “I fractured my ankle while taking a walk at our ranch.”
• You: “Tell me more.” (Don’t talk about your broken bones… yet!)
• Me: “I skidded on a gravel road and fell.”
• You: “What did you do next after you fell?”  [ Done… you’re in! ]
• Me: “I’m now in a cast for 8 weeks but I can still get around.”

The Science Behind the Curtain

• The Spotlight Effect: Fransisca reports that placing this attention on the other person lights up their brain’s “reward centers”.
• The Bonding Effect: By nodding and saying, “Tell me more”, you promote active listening which leads to better rapport.
• The Zeigarnik Effect: Named after psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik, this phenomena describes the human tendency to remember incomplete or unfinished stories better than completed ones. Who knew? Using our example, when you ask “What did you do next after you fell?” you create more energy and retention around the conversation.

How to use this 3-word phrase & sound natural (not robotic!)

1. Soften your tone if they’re low energy: “Tell me more…”
2. Lean in and smile if they’re animated: “Wait, tell me MORE!”
3. Follow up with a “why”, “what”, or “how”: “How’d you get into that?” “Why is gardening your passion?”
4. Pair it with open body language – uncrossed arms and good eye contact.

Why this strategy matters

“Tell me more” is your secret super power weapon. You’ll have a better interaction and you might even make someone’s day.

Photo credit for flower mural: I took this pic on a walk with my cousins, Karen Reisman & Ann Bengis, in Portland, OR

Photo credit for my ankle cast: A medical tech at Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas, TX